Fighting On

May 6, 2013 at 7:31 pm (Life)
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Just received news that my ex is trying a maneuver in court to take away custody of the kids. He is trying to say that I am an unfit parent, and that therefore he should have the kids full time and that I should only be allowed supervised visitation with them. This is frustrating and scary for me, since the hearing date is on the 16th (in 10 days), and is a paperwork only hearing (not entirely sure of the mechanics, but the only thing the judge will see is the motion that is set before him). Especially scary is that it sets forth all sorts of ‘proof’ that I’m a bad parent, and if the judge can’t see through the thicket of lies, I may well lose my daughters.

Unfortunately, with nothing I can do about that, all I can do is soldier on with what I’m doing: school, a little fun time for Mommy, and taking care of my children as I always do. Right now the girls are fresh out of the bath, and enjoying a little fun time before bed. Occasionally they pop their heads into my room (which is right across the way from their room) and tell me what it is that they happen to be doing.

Myself, I’m taking a short break from homework (reading a collection of Robert Frost poems) to write this blog post. Sometimes just sharing a worry takes the load off your shoulders, which is why I blog and write stories and poetry. It’s all my form of catharsis.

Personal opinion: if you watch a movie, you walk out re-surrounded by your problems, all that a movie does is allow you a temporary respite for as long as it lasts. (Same goes for TV.) However, if you write it out, share it, get it out there in the world, work it out on paper, it is a much more lasting relief. It doesn’t mean the worry isn’t still there, or the pain is completely gone; all it means is that you’ve put a part of it on paper, and the burden is a little less that you have to carry.
(Don’t get me wrong, I watch movies, and enjoy them. It just doesn’t have that same relieving sensation you get from writing.)

Randomness done, enjoy your evening!

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Back in School!

October 4, 2012 at 7:05 pm (College)
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School is finally back in session, and life is interesting. Having been starved all summer for a sitter, I managed to find one and get started the day before school started… Talk about heart attack city.

This quarter should prove easy, yet challenging. I’m taking two film classes, both of which have fairly light homework loads, but my geology class will make up for that… Minerals, rocks, elements, and having to figure out which is which. Have to say, I’m so glad for my lab partner, since not only is he a science major, but he’s already taken two geology classes in the past. I know we work well together, since we were in a biology class in winter quarter. Phew…

Been dealing with a crazy ex, wacky schedules, and cranky kids (in the mornings), and still managing to stay sane. Looking forward to the weekend though, since I’ll be off mom duty, and won’t have any homework. Time to relax, catch up on my sleep, and just enjoy my life.

I’m also taking a fun class this quarter, Stage Combat. The only test for the class will be a choreographed broadsword fight with another student in the class. It’s a one credit class that meets once a week, and I get a good workout, and get to play with swords and knives (not sharp). What more could one want? So many people who’ve found out about that class have asked me how they can get into it. Don’t blame them, it certainly is a fun way to spend 2 hours a week, and get credit for it!

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Internet Scams and Other Nonsense

August 14, 2012 at 11:19 am (Kids, Life)
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This past week I got taken in (somewhat…) by an internet scam. CashDazzle.com will do exactly that, dazzle you with the promise of easy money by spinning their little wheel. It has a jackpot of around $4,000, and various amounts around the wheel ranging from 10 cents to $250. There is one Sorry on the wheel, and one of each of the various amounts. The problem is, when you spin the wheel, nine times out of ten, you hit the sorry, and when you are getting money it is usually the 10 cent or 50 cent mark, with a couple hits on $1 and precisely one hit on $2. And yes, I spun that wheel a good 40 times, and have so far gotten precisely $15. The payout range is when you hit $20, and they give you 5 free spins. After that, you have to do surveys or participate in various online things to earn the extra spins. I earned 33 spins by joining a Disney movie club, and out of those 33 spins, I got around $3-4 in payout, which kind of sucked since I hit the Sorry slot about 20 times out of 33 spins.

Also new this week is me being, yet again, out of a babysitter. I had one lady last week, but after sitting for the kids twice, she said she wouldn’t be doing it anymore. So once again I’m on the hunt for a sitter, and quickly running out of affordable leads. Still more than a month until school starts, but I’m beginning to panic. Firstly, I for sure need someone by the time school starts, secondly, I need someone NOW so that I can maintain my sanity. What gives with it being so hard to find affordable child care? Any day care costs at least $550 a month for one child, and I have two. And I can only afford about $450 to $500 a month for childcare total. Furthermore, the state won’t help pay for my childcare since I’m attending a 4 year college instead of a two year technical or just flat out working at minimum wage. True, I’m not taking the ‘fast track’ to having a job, but what I’m trying to do is ensure that later on I’ll be able to earn enough to take care of my children well, instead of just constantly scraping by on a minimum wage pay for a three person family. Is that so wrong?

Anyway, you’ve heard my couple of rants for the day (and that’s not all of them, believe me). So I’ll sign off and let you all get on with your lives. Thanks for dropping by!

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The Slippery Slope of Bloggerhood

August 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm (Life)
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Confession time: This is not my first blog. I’ve actually started about 10 blogs in the past, and all of them have fizzled out after about a month or so. My biggest problem is continuity, since I’ll make a bunch of posts in the first couple weeks, then start forgetting or not being able to come up with stuff to say. When I started this blog I promised myself I wasn’t going to let that happen to this one, yet looking at the last couple weeks, I’m not convinced. If I have to get on here and post complete randomness that means nothing, I’d rather not. However, I also want to keep this thing going. Once school starts, there will be more to write about, and if I were convinced there were people reading this who like Magic: the Gathering, I’d post more about my experience in that.

So in an appeal to my audience (because that’s why I end up starting to slide), please comment on what areas of my blogging you like best. Is it the movie/book reviews (definitely more of the former than the latter), tips on writing (which I haven’t really done much of), blurbs on kids, Magic: the Gathering, my life in general, or bits about college (which won’t really be starting up until late September). The other option to vote for is just general randomness, keeping up my current pattern of jumping all over my brain, whatever pops into my mind when I sit in front of the computer.

I’m going to try to get into the habit of posting thrice a week, but it’s going to be difficult given the lack of interest people are showing. True, my blog isn’t touting a massive revolution in someone’s life, or giving the secrets of the universe (or even just the secrets of celebrities’ lives…), but I’d like to think it is useful to someone, or at least entertaining. Thanks for reading my randomness, and please let me know what other categories of randomness you’d like to see more.

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Life to Become Sane Again (Finally!)

July 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm (Kids, Life)
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After a good month or more of having my two toddlers in my apartment nearly 24/7, I’m finally going to get a break again. My ex has decided to return from his extended vacation, and take the girls on weekends again. This will allow me two days of rest, and I have finally found a new babysitter willing to work within the limitations of my budget. This means I will be able to start being more productive on my projects, and begin growing fingernails again.

For anyone who doesn’t have kids, you should know a few things. Firstly, parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and isn’t really all that intuitive. You learn things the hard way, through trial and error. Parenting is the toughest ‘school of hard knocks’ you can attend, because once you enter, there really is no way to get out. Secondly, any faults you may have, will come out full bore in your children, and you may not like facing them. If you have a temper, prepare to have that multiplied 5 times in your children. If you say a million good words and one bad word, expect to hear that one you don’t want repeated said more than any other word for a while. (Quick tip, don’t react at all when they say it. If you do, it will be repeated more.)

On the whole swearing thing, I said the infamous F word when I didn’t realize my 3 year old was behind me. So for a couple days she was saying the F word about everything. When I made absolutely no reaction, it disappeared, and she hasn’t said it since. Also helps that I’ve kept a little tighter rein on my tongue since then, too.

On the whole, parenting can bring out the best and the worst of you. Expect to be faced with an emotional rollercoaster every minute you are with them. One minute they are happy, and so are you. The next, they are still happy, but you are going insane from the fact that they aren’t listening to you, and are making a wreck of something you care about. In the end, when they are asleep, and you look at them, your heart will overflow with love and tenderness for the little form that you created which is lying there all innocence.

Then they wake up…

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Fall Classes Aren’t Starting Soon… :(

July 26, 2012 at 12:52 pm (College, Life)
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Where most people would be so happy to still have it being summer, I’m starting to get bored and anxious for school to start again. College is something I’ve looked forward to my whole life, and only recently started. I’m also slightly strange in that the two years I attended school, I was up on time for school every day, and was upset if I had to skip because I was sick or for other reasons. For me, school has always been one of the most important things in my life. All of this is to lay the framework for why I’m a bit anxious for the next 2 months to go by quickly. Yep, that’s right. A whole 2 months before school starts again. Sigh…

My schedule for fall quarter is also pretty exciting, since I’ll be taking Film and the Humanities (a whole class of watching and discussing films), Narrative Writing for Film (I’m getting a minor in screenwriting), Stage Combat (yup, how to fight with swords and such on stage), and a geology class (not quite as exciting, but necessary). So, for me, school is more exciting than spending the summer at home with two toddlers… Frankly, anything would be more exciting than spending 24/7 at home with two toddlers. Maybe ‘exciting’ isn’t the word. Aw, yes, that’s it. Anything would be less stressful than spending 24/7 with two toddlers. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but in small doses.

So here’s to small doses of toddlers, large doses of school and homework (yes, I’m insane), and medium doses of everything else. Truth be told, I’d rather be doing school and homework than playing video games all the time. I haven’t touched a computer game in a couple days, trying to focus on my writing and reading instead. Hence, why I’m an English major.

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Heart Attacks are Part of the Package

July 25, 2012 at 9:37 am (Kids, Life)
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Before you have children, ask yourself if you are ready to have your heart stopping, temper raging, and patience running thin almost continuously? If you aren’t, then you shouldn’t have children. Sure, it probably gets better when they get a little older (I wouldn’t know, mine are still toddlers), but it’s still a long haul while they’re young. Today was one of those Heart Attack days. Ran to the laundry room for five minutes to put laundry in the dryer, and returned home to find my front door open and both children gone. First assumption was they were out playing somewhere, so I searched the apartment complex. No luck. Next try was the apartment itself, again, no luck. Searched the complex again, still couldn’t find them.

About this time, full scale panic attack is setting in, so I went to the police station (which is about 1 minute away from my apartment). They called in three officers to begin searching the apartment complex. Within about 5 minutes, both girls had been found (in places I had already looked…). Good thing for the girls that I was too relieved to be angry about feeling embarrassed. As it is, I’m not going to be leaving them alone again for a very long time, if I can help it.

Are there any parents out there who can give me an idea of when I can expect a break from the constant messes, non-listening, and general scaring me half to death?

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New Movies and Old Friends

July 19, 2012 at 10:56 am (Life, Movie Review)
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Well, the last couple of days have been very interesting. Blockbuster has released a number of new movies, some highly anticipated, others… well, not so much. Among the recent releases is Lockdown, which was, unfortunately, already completely checked out by the time I got there. What was available were two indie films, called Family Demons and The Intruders. Here’s the breakdown on these:

Family Demons: unless you like long, boring, wish-this-were-over-already type movies, I really don’t recommend this. The story is great, don’t get me wrong, but it needed a different director and a higher budget. It also needed some action instead of the 20 times you watch water dripping in the sink or watch a clock second hand moving for 5-10 seconds. It has a moral, something that most people need to learn, but the movie could definitely have used a rewrite, reshoot, and reedit before being released.

The Intruders is another indie film, and is in both Spanish and English (subtitles in English are automatically present when you begin watching the movie). The movie follows the lives of two children: Mia and Juan, one in England, the other in Spain, and both are haunted by a ‘monster’ called Hollowface, who wants to steal their faces. While not high in the action or gore area, this movie is an intense psychological thriller, that keeps you interested to the end. They ended on exactly the right note, and this is definitely a film I would recommend to anyone who enjoys suspense. One interesting point, when the movie was over, and I thought back over the movie, an interesting thought occurred to me. If anyone had told me the storyline all the way through, I never would have watched it. Based purely on the plot, one wouldn’t think it could be a good movie, but on screen it is actually quite terrifying and riveting. This indie film gets two thumbs up from me!

The old friends portion of this post refers to an old forum I used to post on, a literary RPG forum. The basic premise is to create a character (or several), and write in their interactions with other peoples’ characters. You may not write what another character does, including dying (so no, A kills B with a quick snap of the neck). It means very few characters die in the forum, which is probably good for me. Anyway, I’ve been off the forum since October-November last year, and for some reason started thinking about it again last night. Then I got an email from the moderator asking me if I could come back, that everyone was missing me and my characters. So, I guess I’m going to hop back into that world again, which should be good for freeing up my creative juices to possibly begin working on that novel rewrite that should have been done by now.

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Kids…

July 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm (Kids, Life, Movie Review)
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Anyone with children will agree that there are days when you wish there weren’t laws against infanticide. This week has been pretty tough, with me staying up late and having two toddlers that wake up at 8am on the nose. I know, I know, I should make an effort to head for bed earlier, so I can get up with them. Unfortunately, nature has a sense of humor, and has made me a natural night owl with insomnia. Soooo, I’m up until 1-3am, and then want to sleep in them morning. So that’s what I did yesterday, after getting the girls comfortably ensconced in front of a movie. Only problem: as soon as I fell asleep, they decided to take advantage of it.

When I woke up, I found out that they’d gotten into my makeup. There was a whole bottle of foundation spilled onto the floor, a palette of eyeshadow had been completely  disintegrated, and everything else was scattered all over. They were put in their room, and not allowed out for the rest of the day, which was about how long it took me to clean the house from their shenanigans. They’d climbed to the top of a bookshelf, dumping all the books in the process, and then knocking down my box of Apples to Apples (which has a lot of cards). All their toys were on the floor, and it was, in general, a giant mess.

After dinner in their room, they were read a couple stories and put to bed, and I was finally able to relax. My boyfriend came over and we watched a movie (The Reaping), and then played Magic: the Gathering.

The Reaping is a very interesting movie, with a giant twist at the end. Basic premise is that a small town in the bayou is being troubled with plagues. The ten plagues from Exodus, to be precise. The townsfolk blame it on a 12 year old girl, and are trying to hunt her down and kill her. The special effects in the movie are fantastic, and if you can watch the extras, watch the one about the locusts, it’ll give you a laugh. Not a lot of action, and Blockbuster had it in the drama section, which seems about right. It has a slight element of horror, but if you’re the emotional type, it will probably make you cry (only reason I didn’t is because I was still too uptight because of the girls). Overall, I’d give it 7.5 stars out of 10, though it probably deserves more than that. Last night I needed something highly violent, which The Reaping isn’t.

Went to bed at 1:30 or so, after insisting I wasn’t going to stay up late, but I’m OK today. Nap time is good, and I’ll probably start being more strict about the girls doing it simply for my sanity’s sake. Really can’t wait for school to start again, because that’s a stress that I can deal with so much more easily.

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Finally Friday

July 13, 2012 at 1:02 pm (Fun!, Life, Magic: the Gathering, Movie Review)
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I’m so happy it’s Friday! Last night was fun, and allowed me to relax enough to survive through today, but I’m still looking forward to tonight. Tonight will be Friday Night Magic, and I’m playing with a new burn deck I built earlier this week. I’m setting aside my regular decks to try this one, and to allow me some space from a deck that keeps losing. I need to evaluate it, and I’ve already made some changes.

Anyway, last night watched two movies after putting kiddos to bed, and they were both interesting (and fairly new).

First up was Final Destination 5, which lives up to all the rest, with an interesting twist. The ending was certainly surprising, and the start had me wondering. A word to the wise: don’t watch it with someone who has already seen it, since they tend to accidentally give away stuff that ruins it. As usual, there were deaths that made me swear off certain activities forever, though not so many as before (3 was about the worst, and I can guarantee I’ll never get into a tanning bed in the future). What’s nice about the FD series is the consistently interesting storylines, and the fact that there are always characters you feel deserve to die, and those you hope won’t (but they always do).

Secondly is a much anticipated movie starring Harry Potter (not sure the actor’s name, so I’m using the name everyone will associate him with).The Woman in Black is a historical thriller/horror, and had a pervading sense of creepiness throughout. While slow, it was able to mostly hold the attention, though the viewer will need to be patient to find anything out. the opening scene is a sufficient hook to keep you watching, but about halfway through I wanted to stop watching because I was bored. Keep going, it does get better. Overall, I’d only give it a 3/5, but it’s more because the storyline moved too slowly for my taste. If you like a slow, psychological thriller, this may be perfect for you. One nice thing was the happy ending (and no, I’m not giving anything away by that, because it’s not going to be happy in the way you think).

Yes, I’m watching a lot of movies recently, but soon I’ll be reading again, and perhaps even writing. Might even try posting excerpts of my stories or poems, let me know. If I get enough demand through comments, I’ll go ahead and start posting other tidbits. Enjoy!

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